Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
