I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
