see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.