Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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