butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
