WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!