I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?