I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.