I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
