mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
