You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
