I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
