Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
