8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
