I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
