I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
