So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
