I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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