why didn't you poke me back
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
