Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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