So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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