When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
