just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
