operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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