there's paper in my vomit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
