kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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