Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
