I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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