so that wasnt chicken after all
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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