Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
