So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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