if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
