Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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