clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
