You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
