I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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