I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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