Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
