Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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