I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
