I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
