She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is my gift to your gina
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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