Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize