I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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