she takes plan B like it's going out of style
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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