I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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