k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
