$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
