Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
