i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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