Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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