I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
