it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
