Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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