I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
