i don't like sucking hair
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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