He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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