my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
