just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
