Fuck appropriateness.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
