I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
