all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
