Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my poor anus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
