mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
