Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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