You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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