So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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