i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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