the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
