you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
