burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
