ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
