Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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