she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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