I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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