i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
